Hi friends! Today I’m doing a post I haven’t done in some time – a Thinking Out Loud post! This is one of those random bit that I started writing for my own benefit way too late and then decided that I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Sometimes it can be empowering to hear that other people feel the same way you do!
I was never the kind of person who liked being touched – I truly enjoy my personal space. With the exception of my parents and brother, I just never felt the need to be touchy feely. In fact, my dad once had a girlfriend who called herself a ‘hugger’ and I think one of the reasons I never really warmed to her was because she was super touchy feely.
While I’ve grown out of the extreme awkwardness of it, I still value my personal space. I’ve learned ways to work with it, how to prepare myself for family affairs when hugs and kisses are unavoidable, how to express that it’s not personal – I just need space. If I don’t listen to myself, the anxiety linked to it can be overwhelming.
It was all working fine and dandy for me – until I had kids. Because explaining to two children under the age of 3 that mommy just really needs personal space right now and would rather not be touched is kind of impossible.
The reality is, as moms we have little people all over us all day – crawling on us, sitting on us, wiping stuff on us, asking for hugs and kisses, begging to be picked up, nursing – children crave that personal touch to create bonds with the people in their lives. Add in exhaustion, body changes, and stress and it can be even worse. To someone who gets overwhelmed by too much touching and not enough personal space, it can be suffocating once you hit your ‘too much’ point.
I know I can’t be the only mom struggling with this – a deep love for your children, an overwhelming anxiety when you’re “touched out”, and children too young to explain it to. But the reality is that it can feel like such an isolated emotion – head to Instagram or Facebook and you’ll see photos of moms happily cuddling and holding their children, captions proclaiming, “I could cuddle these kids all day!” Meanwhile, I’m sitting here like, oh my goodness, please just leave me alone. The mom guilt kicks in hard. This isn’t to say I don’t love hugging and holding my boys. It’s just that sometimes, the often non-stop nature of it can be overwhelming.
And then, feel free to top that off with some good old ‘wife guilt’, if such a thing exists – my poor husband waits all day for the kids to go to bed so we can spend 5 minutes alone and I’m holed up on the other side of the couch for an hour or two, trying to chill by myself. (That’s if I don’t just pass out because let’s be honest, you put me on a couch past 8 pm and I’m probably falling asleep.) I have to explain to him that I am just all touched out for the moment – it’s nothing personal, I just need some space.
To some, this might sound like a weird rant, but if you’re in the same position as me, I’m here to say: I feel you momma. (but not really – I respect your personal space.) It’s a hard, odd thing to express, and it can sometimes feel selfish or embarrassing. My advice is to just learn your triggers, figure out what to do when you’re at your breaking point, and lock the bathroom door. (No, really – it helps!)
Okay, so tell me – do you ever get ‘touched out’? Are you a touchy feely person, or do you like your space? Let me know in the comments!
Erin says
I can SO relate to this; it’s nice to know I’m not alone!
Heather @ Polyglot Jot says
I definitely also need my space. I don’t like unnecessary touching of random people and even family members sometimes. I have found though that for me personally my husband cuddling or touching me doesnt bother me in the same way. I’m hoping that means my kids will also have this effect. I do know that I need to hide and everyone needs to leave me alone sometimes though–I will be on team leave me a alone I’m sure on many days to come haha!
[email protected] says
I FEEL you on this one. I’ve got three kids under five and they are all over me all the time. My oldest has special needs and is in a wheelchair, so I am physically his mover and shaker…I can’t tell him I need five minutes when he needs to be moved from couch to chair or can’t reach a toy. And my toddler twins are…toddlers…and insane. So most of the time I’ve got snot and food on me. I thought I was affectionate before kids, but I think it’s retreated from over-use. And the husband thing, yes. He gets it, but it still makes me feel terrible (but not terrible enough to give up my personal space).
Meg says
I am a touchy person, but even I get overwhelmed by the non-stop kid touching. Especially when you have a nursing baby, it can be so hard to find time where you’re not attached to another person…who wants something from you. Kids are great, but this is definitely one more unique challenge they bring.
Crystal Green says
I completely understand where you’re coming from. Other than my husband, I’m not a huge fan of being touched. I can’t get enough of being touched by my husband, but when other’s want it, I like my distance. I am eager my for my five years old to get out of the wanting to be attached stage. There are still days when I like to cuddle with my kids, but they are rare.
This was a great post to read. I’m glad you decided to share your thoughts with us.