I always knew I wanted to have more than one child. I have a brother who was born 14 months after me and every memory from my childhood has him in it. When we used to fight, my mom would say, “Friends and boyfriends will come and go, but your brother will always be your brother. He is the only person who will always be there.” And, while it’s a little bit of a dismal way of looking at it, it definitely was the truth. I loved picking on my brother in some cases and sticking up for him in others. I loved working together to get our parents to let us do things. I loved tricking him and goofing off with him. Having a sibling made my childhood what it was.
My husband, on the other hand, is an only child. He played with his cousins and neighborhood kids. And he loved it! If you ask him if he missed having siblings or ever wished he had one, he’ll tell you straight up, no. He had his cousins that he was close to. Good enough for him. But it’s not the same thing.
So, here we are, 2 months(ish) away from meeting our second little boy, and I’m terrified. Not of labor or holding a newborn or the logistics and uncertainty of it all, like I was last time around, but of handling Ryan and this baby, from an emotional standpoint.
You know, when I wasn’t pregnant with this babe, I would hear people talk about how they were so surprised that their heart grew to accommodate another baby. I remember thinking, “Yeah, obviously. It’s not like you have one kid and the rest have to fend for themselves..” Okay, well now I’m eating my words (thoughts?). Because I truly worry about it. I love Ryan so much more than I ever thought I would.
But you know what I worry about even more? Ryan feeling sad or left out because the attention isn’t on him. Seriously, as I type this up my heart is hurting and I’m tearing up. I spend every single moment of Ryan’s waking day with him. The longest I’ve ever been away from his has been 2 hours when he was just a few months old and I had a dentist appointment. No one but Alex has ever watched him. He’s always my number one. He knows no other life than it being Ryan’s World 24/7. How on Earth is he going to take his entire world changing in less than a day? How will he handle me staying in a hospital overnight, without mommy to hold him in the middle of the night when he wakes up. (Also, hormones are no joke because I’m a hot mess writing this.)
I know that giving Ryan a sibling – a brother – is the best gift I will ever be able to give him. I know that, I really do. But I can’t help but feel a little guilty when I think about how unprepared he is for this. He’s still too little for me to explain that Mommy and Daddy still love him more than anything, that this little thing that won’t.stop.screaming and is taking Mommy’s attention is the best thing to ever happen to him. He just won’t get it, and that breaks my heart all over every time I think of it.
So, yes, I’m unbelievably excited to meet our little boy and become a family of four. I can’t wait to see them interact and play and fight and grow up together. I love that we’re giving Ryan his forever best friend and partner in crime. But I can’t help but have a little bit of a heavy heart when I worry about my little boy on the outside and the changes coming his way.
sorry for the overuse of this one, but it’s my forever favorite.
Do you have more than one kiddo? How was the transition? Do you have a sibling? If not, have you ever wished you did? Let me know in the comments!
Susie @ SuzLyfe says
If you don’t read Delights and Delectables, you must. She just posted a great response type piece to this very topic.
In my mind, you have to remember that you can love differently. Baby 2, Ryan, and your husband are all different beings, you will love each differently, and at the same time that be able to love them completely. You don’t love your mom any less because you got married, do you?
Heather @Fit n Cookies says
I was just going to comment and share her post!!
Amanda @ .running with spoons. says
I totally second what Susie said ^^ I’m an only child, and I really wish that I had a brother or sister… especially now that I’m older. I think that giving Ryan a brother is the most beautiful thing, and I think he’ll love having him around 🙂
Judy @ Chocolaterunsjudy says
Since I don’t have children, I can’t speak to that. It will definitely be an adjustment, and it could go smoothly or it could be very rocky.
My niece & nephew are very close, very instance, but when she was a baby, he asked more than once, if they could give her back.
I think being an only child is very sad, though. Not only that, it can easily make for a very narcissistic child who thinks they world is all about him.
I have one brother and one sister. My brother and I were close in age & still fairly close; my sister and I were far apart in age and not at all close growing up, but we have become much,much closer as we got older.
Here’s hoping you have the smooth transition, and even if you don’t, I am willing to bet that when the new babe is older, they’ll be best buds.
Stacie @ SimplySouthernStacie says
I was an only child and wanted nothing more growing up than an older brother or sister. Yes, I had my cousins and neighborhood best friends, but it really isn’t the same. Thankfully, now I’m marrying into a family where I get an older sister and two older brothers, so it’s all worked out in the end!
I know your children will love having siblings. I love that they will be close in age and will hopefully be best friends : )
Julie @ Running in a Skirt says
I have a brother and we fought like crazy growing up and were not too close through our early 20’s. We are the best of friends now and I’m so glad I have him.
I’m not a parent, so I struggle to offer advice. But, I KNOW you will find room for both of them and ways to comfort Ryan. You’ve got this!
Amy @ Elephant Eats says
Aw, Morgan, I can imagine how you must feel cuz my relationship with Berkeley is very similar. It’s true he has a nanny take care of him while i’m at work, but other than that I’m the only one who changes his diaper, feeds him and puts him to bed. I’ve slowly been having my husband put him to bed on the weekends (it seems Berkeley could care less who does it!). I think you should gradually try to introduce Ryan to time away from you starting now. Maybe go out and have some “me” time while Alex or your dad or mom watches him? Have Ryan get up one night for him if he wakes? I know you think it will be hard on him but it’s prob harder on you 😉 It will be great if he has some time to adjust now…
Amy @ Elephant Eats says
oops, I meant have Alex get up one night for him if he wakes.
Ellie says
I have three siblings and have gone back and forth about how much I appreciate them. When I was growing up, it was a pain honestly because my sister especially always made my life miserable (she admits to this). When I moved out, we also still were too different to get along. Now, in the past year or so, we’ve gotten a lot closer because she’s grown up, I’ve forgiven and got off my high horse and we found something we both like, running.
So I like having her now, but life was rough for a really long time.
Emily says
I don’t have children, but I’m so thankful that God did give me 4 other siblings. Life wouldn’t have been the same without them. We’ve had lots of struggles, but God is gracious, and we are better friends now than ever before.
Heather@hungryforbalance says
Get out of my head!!!! I mean for real!!! This EXACT thing has been my fear for the past few months!! I mean, I know I’m not pregnant, but I hope to be soon, and I am having a TOUGH time trying to figure out how I could ever possibly love another one as much as I love Matilda. Like, I just can’t wrap my brain around it.
You are right of course that everyone will adjust, but it just seems so crazy to think about how that will happen.
No advice, just love and thoughts and prayers your way!
Jess @ Keeping It Real Food says
What a great post—thank you for sharing. I have a sister and could not be more thankful to have grown up with a sibling. It’s such a special relationship—congrats!
alexandra @ my urban family says
I can’t offer advice from a parents viewpoint but I can let you know that my younger brother is 7 years younger than me and it got to the point where I was begging my parents to have a baby already so I could get a brother or sister. With no cousins it was lonely and I remember very clearly being sad about it and wanting that sibling. By having the smaller age gap Ryan might not understand right away but he also probably won’t remember much of being the only child when he is older because his best memories will likely involve his younger brother 🙂
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape says
I think you are forgetting one major thing… The love that Ryan will have for his brother! We all groan about our siblings and the attention they get from our parents and Ryan will be no different. But we also have that deep deep love for our siblings that we can’t describe and Ryan WILL feel that too. Being able to give that to Ryan is the most amazing gift in the world 🙂
Nicole says
I just had my first (she’s 4 months old) but I can totally see where you are coming from! Its hard to even imagine loving a 2nd as much as the 1st, but I hear it’s the same love, you just have even more of it to pass around.
I’m sure it’ll be an adjustment but they will be best friends and forever grateful that you gave that to them!
Catherine @ foodiecology says
I think what you’re feeling is 100% normal. I’m not yet trying for a second child, but when I think of the possibility, I get this way, too. Courtney from Sweet Tooth Sweet Life just wrote a similar post – you should check it out if you haven’t read it!
My husband and BOTH are an only-child and we both sometimes wish we’d had siblings. Your little guy may struggle at first since he’s so young, but you should know that your little family is growing exactly how it’s meant to be!
Heather @Fit n Cookies says
Hormones or not, you are expressing feelings that I can’t imagine and yet can imagine at the same time. I know when the time comes, I’ll be feeling this exact way. Ryan is going to LOVE having a brother to grow up with! I have one who is 17 months older than me and I love having such a close relationship with him. He will definitely be sad not having you when you’re in the hospital, but he will be fine! Maybe you can set aside some time once a week or so and have it just be mommy and Ryan time. Take him to get a dessert or play alone with just him and no baby? Might be something he would love 🙂
Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says
Don’t even spend another minute worrying about that! You will love both of them infinitely. The hardest part for me was handling a toddler and a newborn at the same time – I was used to giving 100% to one child so trying to divide it was tricky on me. The thing that helped was to realize that even though I couldn’t give 100% to either of them, I was giving them each other which has turned out to be a better gift than my undivided attention all the time. My kids are now 11, 9, 7, 4, and 1 (with #6 on the way in the spring!)
Lowanda J says
Reading your post stirred up a memory of my boys when they were younger. I have twins so I can’t say I know what you are going through. My boys had each other from the very beginning and always had to share. I started crying as I read your post because I can feel your pain, but please know that the gift of a sibling will bring him so much joy. My boys have each other and they are the best of friends. Seriously! Sometimes, I’m jealous of their relationship. Did I just say that? 🙂 Adjustment takes time, but your little men will be okay. God bless!
Kristy says
Aww, “giving Ryan his forever best friend” is the best way to look at it. All the changes coming will be worth it I’m sure!
My husband are just in the thinking phase of possibly having another baby or not. I have a brother and step-brother and my husband is an only child. He doesn’t think that our daughter needs a sibling because he was fine without one growing up. I think she’d be missing out by nothing having one though.
My body had a tough time recovering from having a baby though so I’m more nervous about that at the moment.
Babies are miracles! Congrats on your 2nd one. 🙂
Lizzy says
Yep, we are 2ish months off meeting our 2nd girl, and I’m not sure how no 1 is going to cope with it either! At least my sister lives with us, and she will be looking after her when I go to hospital. Plus my mum will come a month before the baby and stay when I have her.
I have my nice little schedule finally worked out, with blogging, cleaning, outings, etc, and now it’s possibly going out the window, plus I’ve been known to get very stressed just with a crying baby if I’m trying to do anything else!