My parents cursed me. No, really, they did.
As a kid, my parents congratulated my brother and me when we finished all the food our plates. It was adorable when we asked for seconds. If we had food left on our plates and we said we were full, we were told to take one more bite. My mom always insisted that we become members of the Clean Plate Club.
Now, my parents weren’t intending to curse me. No, they were just being parents, doing what they thought was right. I know for a fact that they were simply following the footsteps their own parents laid out for them. Both set of my grandparents went through periods of great poverty and were very conscious and strict about food left on your plate. My paternal Grandpa came over from England during WW2 with his sister shortly after his mother was died. He used to tell us stories of going to a restaurant and ordering a (free) cup of hot water and adding ketchup to make “tomato soup”. He was so proud to be able to give large, belly filling plates of food to his sons and later his grandchildren, and hated to see food go to waste. In my father’s home, cleaning your plate was more of an order and an honor than a ‘fun’ club or an option. My mom wasn’t allowed to drink water while she ate as a little girl because my Nanny told her that it filled her up too much, and she needed to clean her plate before being allowed to leave the table. These habits were how my mom and dad were raised, so they handed them down to me.
As I grew older, joining the Clean Plate Club definitely was not an issue. It was a habit. My friends would look at me in shock, asking where I put it. I would joyfully tell them I was a lifetime member of the CPC. Leaving food on my plate is genuinely hard for me. It’s ingrained in me to finish. (On a slightly different note, did you know in terms of etiquette, there is a fine line between rude and well-mannered in regards to leaving food on your plate? You should always leave a little bit of food on your plate – if you finish it, it is implied that the host did not provide you with enough food, too much and the food sucked. Or so the etiquette books say.)
At my heaviest, I was 165 pounds. Losing weight was one of the most amazing and life changing journeys of my life. I learned how much I really need to eat, and how much I was eating out of habit. I began doling out less food for myself. I made it a point to assess how much I was served, and before even touching it decide how much I would attempt to leave on my plate. I now think before taking another bite. When I feel a little full, I sit back, take a sip of water and wait to see if I want more food.
Every single day, every single meal is a struggle, though. I see food left on my plate and feel the urge to finish it. I feel incomplete without finishing my plate, like I’m letting someone down. Sometimes I cave and finish my plate when I’m not hungry any more. Sometimes I’m weak and keep picking at food after I’ve set down my plate. Sometimes I stand at the stove eating leftovers from the pan while I’m cleaning up. I struggle with binge eating and eating out of boredom and eating because I’m emotional. I feel guilty and kind of gross after I do it, but admitting is the first step, right? And admitting has made me realize the one blessing I have received from this curse.
My son will never have a lifetime achievement card from the Clean Plate Club. He will never hear me insist on him taking one more bite, if he is genuinely full. I will not congratulate him for finishing his plate (Unless it’s a plate of broccoli. Or spinach. Or something crazy healthy that his father would never touch.) While I understand that there will be days that he is so picky and finicky that I would kill for him to have an excuse to clean his plate, I will never. I have learned that one’s body tells him what it wants. Ryan is already learning to listen to his body, eating what he wants and then letting me know he’s full by tossing food to the dog. He doesn’t feel the urge to clean his plate, and I sincerely hope he never does.
The curse of the Clean Plate Club is something I will undoubtedly struggle with for the rest of my life. It’s ingrained in me the same way saying “Bless you,” when someone sneezes has been ingrained in me. But like all shortcomings, I work on it every day, becoming stronger and wiser. And slowly, slowly, slowly, my curse diminishes until, hopefully, it is one day just a small nagging in the back of my mind.
Either way, I’m shredding my gold membership card.
This week I’m linking up with Amanda from Running with Spoons for Thinking Out Loud!
Are you a member of the Clean Plate Club? Do you have the Curse of the Clean Plate Club? Let me know in the comments!
Judy @ Chocolaterunsjudy says
My parents contributed to my weight problems in many ways, but thankfully CPC was not one of them. In fact, I just threw away almost an entire batch of brownies. They were just ok, but I kept eating a half here & there & thinking they’re ok. But who needs just ok? So I finally threw the majority out.
I don’t like waste, but I don’t need it on my waist, either.
Great post!
Morgan says
Go you! Sweet are by FAR my biggest down fall. I will pick at “okay” snacks all day until it’s gone.
[email protected] says
I have struggled with this too all of my life. In fact, my TOL post today is all about my very long struggle with bulimia and emotional eating. Sometimes I eat everything and other times I don’t. It’s all a matter of just taking your time with it and not being too hard on yourself. Unfortunately when it comes to issues with food we can’t avoid it, because we all need to eat to live. So many people struggle with this.
Morgan says
It’s definitely rough. I commend you so much for being so open and working past your struggles. I really believe food issues, illnessess and addictions are the absolute worse because, like you said, it’s something we all need to live.
jill conyers says
Hi Morgan from a new reader. I think people are a member of this club without realizing how much it affects their eating. My kids are not members of this club.
Have an awesome Thursday!
Morgan says
So glad you stopped by , Jill! I agree, I think it’s a lot more common than some may think. I think we as parents need to be extra cautious in teaching our children to listen to their bodies and stop when they are full!
[email protected] says
My parents cursed me too! I am also a card carrying member of the clean plate club, and let me tell you, it is harder to cancel your membership there than with some fancy gym! I totally still struggle with it daily. Solidarity friend!
Morgan says
#thestruggleisreal!!!!! Sometimes I will “ruin” food on my plate if I’m out or something – hot sauce, water, or too much salt on top so that I don’t pick. I’m only a little ashamed to admit this.
Tiff @ Love, Sweat, & Beers says
Good for you! I’m a member of the clean plate club, which is so silly because there’s always enough to save. I like leftovers, so why do I have to finish it all if I’m getting full???? Ugh, mind games. The problem is now that I often finish Ethan’s food too. Yikes!
Morgan says
I know, right? If I think I could make a whole other meal out of my leftovers, I am usually more incluned to save it, but if I “decide” that it would need a side or something more to make it a “meal” I’ll justify it and be like, oh, well, I guess I’ll just eat it! I pick at my son’s tray too – it’s not pretty.
Tammy says
My situation was slightly different than yours, but has left lasting impressions just the same. My mom was a very picky eater. She felt that her children should be too, I guess? My sister and I were never exposed to vegetables (other than can corn & green beans) and so many things that she thought were “yucky”! And before you say anything, I know that canned corn isn’t really a veggie…lol! I have fought my way back and raised my children to love and actually crave a good salad! We know so much more now, just keep fighting the good fight!!! Great post!
Morgan says
That’s definitely rough. My husband wasn;t raised by picky eaters, but he was raised by parents that encouraged or allowed picky eating. It’s a real pain because he’s so stubborn about it, but go you for working past your pickiness and not letting it rub off on your kids! And, hey, I consider canned corn a veggie – sometimes it’s the best you can do!!!
Anastasia says
Finishing everything on mine (and my daughters!) plate (or the entire pan of cookies) is something I struggle with as well. I can’t ever remember my mom making me clean my plate, but we did grow up very poor so maybe that had some sort of effect somewhere along the line.
But good for you for breaking that cycle with your son. You’re setting him up for a really healthy relationship with food which is wonderful!
Morgan says
It’s definitely rough! I find myself picking at my son’s tray a lot more than I’d like. I think the mindless eating is one if the toughest things for me to overcome.
Jamie says
Great post. I think it’s interesting to reflect back on childhood and see how it correlates to adult eating habits. Not only did my parents encourage clean plate club, but there were many nights cereal was enough, or instead of making an easy dinner (think eggs) my mom would drive me to get a DQ blizzard… for dinner… While I know she was doing her best and did not intentionally mean anything by doing so, it really confused me on what was and was not appropriate to eat. It took me a really long time to figure out what proper nutrition is.
Amy @ Elephant Eats says
My parents never told me to finish what was on my plate, but instead both ate quickly and always took seconds (plus then looked around for dessert after) and so I’ve unfortunately developed similar habits. I think body issues have factored into this as well. Luckily as of a few years ago, I just started to intuitively eat til I was full. Occassionally I will overeat still, and I always feel horrible after. I’m SO with you on making a conscious effort to keep my kid(s) from having food issues. I definitely don’t even want them to feel like they have to finish what’s on their plate! Love this post 🙂
Morgan says
It’s really eye opening to hear about how many people’s parent’s habits have rubbed off and affected their children later in life. Go you for learning to eat intuitively. I find it very difficult, though I’m trying harder lately!!!!!
Emily says
Hmm… My parents never strictly enforced a clean plate. I’m thankful for that, and I think my bad/disordered eating habits came from my own ‘obsessiveness’ and desire to fit in with others.
Heather @ Run Eat Play says
I find myself doing this to my kids once in awhile mostly because they don’t want to eat they rather go play! When they say they’re done, I ask them if they’re full. If they say yes, then they’re done whether they have food left or not. But it drives me crazy because an hour later they’re suddenly starving and want another whole meal!
Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine says
My parents always wanted me to clean my plate for the same reasons. It was always a battle, so once i was able to decide how much to eat on my own I didn’t always finish my meals. But now that I cook for myself I sometimes feel like I should be clearing my plate. However, I also also ok with stopping when I am full. Leftovers are always a plus too!
Erica says
I was a member of the clean plate club as well. i have not struggled with my weight until this past year. i moved north to Alaska. The winters are dark and cold. i packed in the carbs and sugars. Now that it is getting lighter out i am trying to shed the 20lbs i put on this winter.
Thanks for linking up at FTAF
Erica