When I first got pregnant with Ryan, I felt heavy with the knowledge that my friends – fresh out of college and starting exciting careers, enjoying the dating scene, and generally enjoying being young – would have a hard time identifying with my from then on out. As someone who has a hard time making friends, this honestly seemed crippling. Just the thought of having to go into the world and make even one new friend who understood me and what I was going through on top of learning how to be a mom and handle a newborn? It kind of sounded like the worse case scenario.
Thankfully, I eventually found my group of people that I could chat with about being a mom – and some of those people are YOU awesome people who come here and chat with me 😉
Now, I’m not sitting here saying I have a million and seven mom friends. If I did the whole MOPS or joined a baby gym or mommy and me classes or something similar, I’m sure I would have a few more, but the reality is that, besides the handful of awesome ladies that I can reach out to and chat with, I have one really good mom friend – my mom BFF – who I rely on for my parenting companionship.
And I really, really, really need her in my life to keep me sane.
Because here’s the truth: your partner is amazing. I won’t take that away from them. But sometimes you need another mom in your life for something – things only another mom will understand. A mom who doesn’t have to sleep next to you at night and who you can complain to when needed. If you’re sitting there thinking that you’re doing just fine without a mom BFF, I’m coming at you with reasons you absolutely, irrevocably need a mom BFF in your life – like, yesterday.
PS – make sure you stay through to the bottom of this post where I’m giving you a free cheat sheet of do’s and don’t for meeting new moms and conversation starters to take the stress out of making a new friend!
She’ll understand you might be flaky.
Look, the reality is that moms can be kind of flaky. Not in the traditional sense of just not wanting to hang out with you or ignoring calls. No, mom flakiness is different – it’s when your friend texts you, you look at it but then have to go play UN to your kids WW3 battle going on in the other room and totally forget to reply until a week later. It’s when you cancel plans made weeks in advance because your kid is throwing a tantrum and lost the privilege. Your mom BFF gets this, because she’s been there. In fact, she was probably there yesterday.
She is the judge-free holder of your parenting secrets.
There is a secret, unspoken oath between parents of all kinds when it comes to parenting secrets. My best friend can tell me that she hid her kid’s noisy toy and pretended that he lost it and I’ll never speak of it again. I can tell her that I took my kids out to eat at a spot that my husband would so not approve of and she’ll take it to the grave. And most importantly, she will never judge me. Never will your mom BFF side eye you when you tell her your deepest, darkest parenting secrets. You need someone to tell your secrets without fear of it leaking or judgment. Think of it as the equivalent of telling your middle school BFF that you have a huge crush on your nerdy homework buddy – secrecy and none of the judgy looks.
You can complain to her and she’ll get it.
Here’s the thing, you guys – my husband is amazing. He really, really is. BUT. When I go to him and complain that Ryan is crazy and jumping off the walls and OMG I’m going to lose it, he usually says something along the lines of, “It’s good! He’s having fun! He’s a little boy!” and I’m sitting there like, Seriously? Wrong answer, buddy. Sometimes you want to bitch about your kids or your life (or your husband, TBH. Love you, babe!) and just have someone go YES! YOU ARE RIGHT. YOU ARE NORMAL AND EVERYONE IS CRAZY AND YOU DESERVE A NAP. We all love our spouses, but the truth is they can’t (won’t) always provide that for us.
She can stomach gross parenting stories.
Being a parent is gross. There is no denying it. Even people who aren’t parents know this. And something weird happens when you become a parent – you start talking about all of these gross moments. In fact, they kind of become little badges of honor, like hi, I’m a mom and I’ve endured some gross things, here’s the proof. Moms love to share these war stories but honestly, the only people who are willing to listen to them are other moms. You cannot share the story about last Tuesday’s poo-splosion with your childless friend from college.
She won’t try to find a solution.
If I’m being totally honest, this is what I feel is the NUMBER ONE reason every mom needs a mom BFF in her life. If your husband is like mine, you present him with an issue and he wants to find a solution. Which is wonderful except for sometimes you don’t want a solution. Sometimes you just want to complain or cry or vent and know someone is listening to you. And that is the NUMBER ONE reason you need a mom friend – someone who will listen to you and support you and instinctively know what you need to hear at any give time. If you can find that person, you’re gold.
Grab your FREE cheat sheet for making new mom friends, full of do’s, don’ts and conversation starters!
Okay, so tell me – do you have a mom BFF? Where did you meet her? Let me know in the comments!
Julie Hood says
This is brilliant and I can’t wait to share it (probably on FB or twitter!). I would add that having mom friends who are ahead of you in parenting is also super helpful! One of my best mom friends has a boy who’s 3 and my little guy is 1.5, so I got to watch her navigate being a mom before I jumped into that stage myself! Plus, I’ve got someone who has potty-training tips and other advice for when I get to that stage!
Hi, thank you for this article. I especially like the third idea. Most times, we need someone to complain to and if we get someone who patiently listens to all our stories and complaints, we will feel so much love and forget worries. It’s good that you have a Mom BFF. And not all people have the opportunity or even know how to get one.