I’ve never been a very confident person. Eternally awkward, I tend to question everything from how I’m wearing my hair to smiling at strangers. I pick apart every social interaction I have, dissecting moments months later and wondering why I’m such weirdo. I was bigger in high school, losing weight after meeting Alex and adopting a healthier lifestyle, but I still always feel a little awkward, uncomfortable in my skin.
It continued into my parenting. I’ve mentioned before that I went from holding two babies ever in my life and never having changed a diaper to becoming a mom over night. I had no idea what I was doing. Except, I totally did, because it came naturally. But for that first year, I struggled to find my foothold as a mom. Yes, I went through the motions of being a mom and learning the ropes, but I had no confidence in what I was doing. I questioned myself, I over read into everything, I Googled too much, I worried too much. I wasn’t confident in my natural instincts.
And then, one day, it all turned around.
You know what I did?
I owned it.
I owned being a mom. I owned being a mom my way.
My kids are healthy. My kids are happy. My family is content. I know what I’m doing, for the most part.
The truth is, you can read all day long, you can research and ask questions and second guess for the rest of your life, but none of it will ever be enough if you don’t have confidence in yourself as a mom.
Now, do I wake up every single day and say, “MAN! I’M SO GOOD AT THIS! KILLIN THIS MOM LIFE, GUYS!”? Of course not. There are days that I cry to Alex and tell him that I’m doing it all wrong. There are days when I am too tired to remind myself that I am good enough. There are days that Ryan tells me I’m mean and Owen clings to me and cries and the house is a mess and the dog is sitting in the corner chewing on a dirty diaper and I think I’m just totally blowing it. Of course there are. But I don’t allow that self-pity to bleed into every day.
And I want you to do the same. I want you to work on building your own Momfidence.
Why should you be concerned with your momfidence?
When you are confident in yourself as a mom, the little stuff starts to melt away. All of the little things that add up each day to make stressful days, weeks, months – they don’t seem as daunting if you are a confident mom.
A bad day becomes just that – a bad day. When you aren’t confident in your parenting, a bad day can feel like your fault. Are your kids grumpy because of something you did? Are you enough? Are they suffering because you’re doing it all wrong? Are you spending your time efficiently? But the reality is this: sometimes a bad day is a bad day. No one has 365 good days a year. There will be days that your kids are just unhappy – nothing you do is going to really change that. Kids are people too; we all have off days. When you have confidence in what you’re doing, you’re able to see that.
Confident moms question themselves less. Gosh, how many times have you wondered if you were doing it right? Are you feeding your kids the right way? Are you raising your kids to be good people? Will your kids hate you when they grow up? Is everyone around you judging you? I know. I question myself the same way. But when you have confidence in yourself as a parent, you allow yourself to trust your instincts which will almost always lead you in the right direction. When you don’t have the voices in your head telling you you’re wrong, you are giving yourself permission to trust your instincts when it comes to your children.
Confidence breeds confidence. When your kids grow up around parents confident in themselves and their choices, they then learn to be confident in themselves. By embracing your own confidence, you are teaching your kids to be confident as well. And isn’t that one of the things we all strive to do?
Okay, so now you’re sitting there and thinking, okay, crazy lady, that’s all well and good, but you can’t just wake up and say, “Today, I will be confident!” and magically change your entire way of looking at things around.
And here is where I say – you’re right. Becoming more confident takes time and patience. Honing your momfidence is important, but it takes work.
Guess what? I want to help you do it. As a mom who is constantly working on her own confidence, I know what it’s like to feel like you’re battling other opinions, battling your own inner monolouge, battling to do “everything” right. And I know how to slay those dragons. And I want to teach you how.
That’s why I put together my new 5-day Building Momfidence challenge. This FREE challenge will send a new email to your inbox each day with the intention of helping you become a confident parent. I take you step by step through how to become the most confident parent you can be.
But that’s not all. I’ve also created a private Facebook group of moms who are committed to working on building their momfidence – just like you. This group is a safe place to talk about the ups and downs of being a mom and help one another work towards the goal of trusting in YOURSELF and your natural abilities as a mom.
I’d love it if you would head over and request (free) access – I’m kind of nervous about this endeavor because it is totally out of my comfort zone and would love to have you ALL join.
So tell me – are you willing to work on YOURSELF? Are you willing and to build your confidence as a parent? Let me know in the comments what you think your biggest hurdle in trusting yourself is!
What a great post! I have been feeling like a failure lately. Everyone else seems to be doing everything so well and I am not… I appreciate your positive encouraging post!
We all have those times. It’s important to remember that for the most part, people won’t broadcast their struggles, so you often don’t see the whole picture of someone’s life. I hope you join the challenge to learn how to tell your inner critic to hush up!!
Savannah | Friend4life Mama says
I really needed this today but didn’t realize I needed it until reading this. I took my two kids to the lake today and looking back I was stressed out the whole time wondering if I was doing everything right. Was I sitting too far from my daughter while she played in the water? Would someone judge me for having my younger son in the sun too long? Why didn’t I buy him a hat first! Etc. I thought about what others were thinking the whole time. I could use some confidence so I signed up! Thanks!
I’ve been there, momma! The fear of judgement is honestly what really shocked me into realizing that I needed to work on being a more confident parent and that others were struggling just as much. I really hope that you learn about yourself and become more confident!