Happy Sunday, beautiful people! I hope your weekend is going perfectly and that you’re enjoying your friends and family.
Today I’m stopping in to give you all this month’s Advice Found! I’m so happy I started this series because I LOVE the well-thought out, insightful advice you all leave in the comments! It’s so interesting for me to see all of the different opinions on a topic and each time I learn so much and leave with a lot to consider.
This month’s topic was Sibling Rivalry. To get the full post which had my own take on the topic as well as the general question asked, head over to this post! Below you’ll find some of my favorites from the comments section of the last Seeking Advice. I’ve linked the names to that person’s blog if applicable and would love it if you’d stop by their site and see some of what they’re about!
Like every week, I just want to say: you all are amazing. The insight you give on each topic is just fantastic, and this month I have already been able to put some of your tips to use and create a less chaotic house!
Katie of Growing Stains –
“I have four children – 7, 4, 3 and 1 and there is lots of sibling rivalry between all of them. For our family, my husband and I try to spend quality one on one time with each of our kids when we can doing an activity of their choosing. This helps a lot with jealousy issues. Asking the older ones how they would feel if their sibling did something similar to what they just did to someone else helps them to realize that certain actions or saying certain things can really hurt someone. Good luck…. Sounds like you’re on the right track!”
Heather of Brainy Chicken –
“I still have three “chicks” at home and the only thing I have found that makes a dent in the rivalry wars is trying to make a habit of making “special” time with each of them. In our home, everyone is a treasured member of our house and we promote the kids differences that make them feel like a unique addition. My kids are a little older now though and their individual strengths are already visible. Provoking topic and something that every parent with multiple children deals with.”
Nicole of Bellisimi Bambini –
“Yes! My two youngest children are always fighting over toys or even over me. Its tough. I try to show them how to share or to remove them from the situation.. Most of the time its not too bad so these simple methods work for me but I do have friends that have to deal with much worse and I don’t envy them. lol”
Sane Mama of The Sanity Plan –
“Great subject and definitely full of gray areas. My youngest two struggle a lot. I should write about this, but here are a few things we do:
1. Give them breaks from each other
2. Let them work it out as long as no one gets hurt
3. Do not force sharing, use trades or wait until someone is done with it
4. Actively reinforce things that they can and like to do together”
Lauren of Talk of the Trains –
“Tough question for sure and I think it depends on the issue/item causing the rivalry. Sometimes my kids bicker, just to bicker. If that’s the case, they all get sent to their rooms to think about how we treat others – and especially family. If it’s over a toy, they get told either they can share and play together or not play with it at all. The iPad is a constant source of fighting as all three kids want it, and we have one. If its a special something (like all kids have a special blanket) then I do take it and give it back to the rightful owner, but I ask them to put it in a safe place and away until everything calms down. They usually do that as they don’t want the others to mess with it! Anyway, not sure if these are good or not, but its how we do it!!’
Rebecca of Mamaguru –
“This is a tough one, and unfortunately, you won’t be able to solve it. It’s just a part of life. I have found that different techniques work at different stages and phases, so keep your eye on it and feel free to make adjustments. We vacillate between letting our kids solve their problems themselves, taking the toy away from both, and even a zero tolerance for hitting policy. When they were younger I tried to help decide right and wrong, but as they get older it gets more complicated and ultimately, they need to define their own relationship. Are you brothers who fight or brothers who are friends? It’s hard.”
Brea of Baby Dolls Bloggie –
“My children are much older (15 and 19), but we dodged this bullet for a long time. I suspect it was only because our kids are 4 years apart and were in such different places developmentally, so there was little to argue about.
Once my daughter was in high school, however, she really struggled with feeling resentful and rivalry. She felt like her younger brother was the favorite and that we were unfairly calling her out about our high expectations of her. Despite dozens of discussions to the contrary, I think she still feels that way to a degree.”
Emily of Beauty in Christ the Book –
“This is a really good topic to discuss: My parents would often just bring us into the room and we would talk. My dad would read Scripture and pray, and that always calmed things down between us. I often realized how selfish I was being or proud, and it changed my attitude, cause I was quite the selfish little kid. I still struggle with being selfish, but my parent’s efforts to make peace in a gentle way did impact me and still impacts me today. <3 I love how you affirm Ryan doing kind things to Owen; that is something that is so important. Affirmation paired with discipline always allowed me to see that my parents cared about me and loved me enough to help me navigate relationships.”
So tell me – who’s advice did you identify the most with? Who’s made you think the most? If you missed adding your advice but have something great to say on the topic, leave it in the comments!
Don’t forget to check out the past Seeking Advice posts!
Seeking Advice: Time Management
Advice Found: Time Management
Seeking Advice: Sibling Rivalry