No mom is perfect. Sometimes we begin to find ourselves losing patience with children, no matter how hard we try. Here are 4 tips to keep your cool when losing patience as a mom. Some days it may seem like an impossible task to have patience with kids, but by taking simple steps and having a bit of a mindset shift, you’ll be able to stop losing patience with toddlers, children, and teenagers alike.
I’m going to admit something a little taboo right now. Sometimes, my kids annoy me. As mothers, we’re not supposed to really admit that. Our children are the lights of our life, our everything – right?
But often, I find myself wondering, how could something so precious be so, so annoying? If you’ve ever lived with a toddler for a day, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, here’s an insider secret: it’s not all sunshine and daisies when you’re raising children. Some days, you get pretty close to totally losing it. Like, say, when you’ve been asking you 3 year old if he has to go potty for the past 20 minutes and he keeps screaming ‘no,’ only to take his pants off and pee on a wall when you turn your back.
Or when your 4 year old starts learning that he has the ability to annoy his 2 year old brother with just a few words, leading to an hour long argument about puddles.
You know, not that that’s happened recently or anything.
As a mom of 2 boys less than 2 years apart, I’ve had many a moment where I’ve almost lost my cool, and more moments than I’d like to admit when I have lost my patience with kids. Not my proudest moments, but, as always, I keep it real here and I tend to think that any parent who says they’ve never, ever, ever lost it on their precious little angels it totally full of it.
Though, if you’ve made it more than 3 years without completely losing patience with children at least once, I’d LOVE to hear from you because you are very clearly a saint. No joke or sarcasm here – you might be my new hero,
4 Tips for When You’re Losing Patience with Kids
Here you’ll fine my 4 best tips for how to manage when you find yourself losing patience with children. Having patience with kids can be difficult, but it’s not impossible!
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Think of the reason behind it.
How did you sleep last night? Have you worked out recently? Is that time of the month coming? (I hate when other people ask me that to try and assess my mood, but the truth is, it does affect things!) When was the last time you had some ‘me’ time.
These questions can really help you pinpoint why you’re feeling on edge. Sometimes the issue isn’t so much your kids, but you – being extra stressed, tired, and/or worn out, will inevitably contribute to your inability to keep your patience with kids. Sometimes just registering this fact itself can often help me regain some semblance of patience.
Try to brainstorm your normal stress triggers at a time that you’re not currently stressed (I know, no one wants to think about being stressed when you aren’t stressed, but just trust me) and then use those to weed out your problems. For me, lack of time to myself, sleep, and hunger are my main triggers for stress.
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Drop all non-essentials.
The fact that you are losing patience is not the fault of your children. We all know that. Yes, kids test limits and test their parents, but an adult not at the end of their patience rope can usually see that a kid is honestly just learning and growing because they have fresh, unbiased eyes. It’s the same reason why when [most] parents see a child having a melt down in public, they’re not annoyed – they’re empathetic.
Chances are you are stressed and overwhelmed and trying to do more than you need to. By dropping all non-essentials in your day, you are able to relax a little more, pay more attention to your kids, and be a better mom all together. Maybe you don’t have to sweep that day. Maybe you can put off that Target trip until tomorrow. Choose an easy dinner that night. Turn off any background noise. Whatever will give you a little more peace and take a little off your plate, do it.
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Take a minute to yourself.
Oh, momma, I feel you. I literally sneak into the bathroom some days and lock it just so the boys (and our animals!) don’t follow me in. As human beings, we all need some time to ourselves. I try and take an hour or two at night after everyone goes to bed to myself and do something that makes me happy (blogging, TBH).
Sometimes that alone time is most important than an hour of sleep. If you can, take a shower. Take a nap. Go to the store! Use nap time as you time, rather than time to clean/make calls/do laundry/whatever. Whatever time you can give YOURSELF will reflect your mood in such a positive way.
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Know that tomorrow is another day
Can we all stop being so hard on ourselves? Let’s face it – being a mom is rough. Being a mom in a world where we’re expected to be completely enamored with our children at every moment of every day? Impossible. Know that bedtime will come. That tomorrow is another day, another chance to start over. You are not alone in feeling this way. Let go of your mom guilt, please.
BONUS TIP for patience with children:
If you find yourself regularly losing patience with your kids, try making note of what was going on each time. Even just in a notepad in your phone. I realized recently that I most often lost it when I felt I “had” to make a complex dinner, so on days I know that it’s just not working, I’ll make something simple like grabbing a taco kit and doing tacos or simple boxed mac and cheese.
So tell me – when was the last time you found yourself losing patience with kids? How do you handle it? Let me know in the comments!
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Heather @ Polyglot Jot says
This is great! 🙂 I wish that more moms were more honest about the truth of how hard it is…and also the fact that its sometimes annoying!
Morgan says
I definitely feel like a lot of people try to sugarcoat motherhood or act like it’s not okay to get annoyed by your kids. But you know me, gotta keep it real!ha!
Emily says
I love you sharing this Morgan, as this is even applicable to me when I’m babysitting or dealing with arguments within my family. THANK YOU!
Morgan says
Oh, I’m so gla that you enjoyed it and found it useful! I think that it’s easy to los patience with people in general – not just your children. I can’t even imagine how easy it would be to lose patience with someone ELSES kids!!
Cody @ Carolina Hungry Runner says
Amen to this post! Being a mom (of 6 whole weeks), I quickly learned that I need to have some “me” time or I will go crazy. Being in mom-mode 24/7 is hard and a nice quiet jog or trip to the grocery store (without baby) can do wonders on your attitude 🙂
Morgan says
Yes! It took me WAY too long to realize this, so go you for being ahead of the curve and realizing it so quickly!!
Carrie Bowers says
Great post! My 3yo is not a morning person so getting her up and ready in the mornings is a battle. There are some mornings I need a time out and have to walk away from the kicking and screaming for a bit! Sometimes (like this morning), I don’t walk away and lose my cool. I wrote a post about “How I Stopped Yelling At My Kids” and I still need reminders!!!
Morgan says
Oof, sometimes a time out for mom is SO necessary! I’ll have to check out that post – while I try to keep for yelling, there are DEFINITELY days when I yell!
Lindsey says
Thanks for this reminder. I often forget how taxing being a mom can be. And I only have one! Tweeting this post–happy Thursday <3
Morgan says
I’m glad you found it helpful! Thanks, Lindsey!
[email protected] says
Oh lord, Matilda annoys me DAILY!! These are great tips to keep in mind!
Morgan says
Hahaha I think you’re not doing motherhood right if your kids NEVER annoy you!
Maria says
So true, Morgan. I love how you emphasize the value of me time. It’s important for us moms to be conscious of when and how we’re getting time to ourselves because our temperment really does affect the rest of our home. It doesn’t matter if it’s 5 minutes or a whole day, taking the time to breathe and do something for yourself is beneficial to us and to our family and friends as well. Thanks for sharing such insightful points with us on #shinebloghop! So glad you were able to join us again this week 🙂
Morgan says
Yes! Me time benefits EVERYONE – even if it’s just for five minutes I feel like it’s a fresh, clean slate. It took me so long to realize that I could take some time to myself without feeling guilty about it.
Morgan says
Yes! Me time benefits EVERYONE – even if it’s just for five minutes I feel like it’s a fresh, clean slate. It took me so long to realize that I could take some time to myself without feeling guilty about it.
Michelle says
Such honesty here and yes, we all have lost our patience at one time or another. Kids will do that to us and we will do it to ourselves too. Your suggestions I’m sure will be very helpful to moms everywhere.
Morgan says
Thanks Michelle! I think in some ways, kids are meant topush our buttons – they learn adn we also learn from it!
Kristy @ Southern In Law says
YES! This is SO important. There are some days where kids do everything to drive you crazy and patience is an absolute MUST.
Morgan says
Oh, so true. I swear, Ryan does things and looks at me like, so whatcha gonna do about it, huh?
Kat says
Im not a mother but as a ginger I have a super hot temper. That is definietly one of my main concerns on becoming a mom. I just worry I’ll flip out too easily on the poor nugget! It’s totally something I want to work on more.
Morgan says
You know, I have a pretty bad temper and I worried about it before I became a mom. But for the most part, except for the days when it’s just getting to be too much, something in your brain says, “I made this, I can’t get too mad at it.”
jacika says
YES! This is SO important.On weekend time kids do everything to turn you crazy for that reason it is an absolute MUST.
Morgan says
So glad you agree! Thanks for stopping by, Jacika!
AmberLynn says
I remind myself of these things on the daily! Thank you for saying what others might not always want to admit! Have you read The Whole Brain Child or No Drama Discipline?
Julie @ Running in a Skirt says
Such good points! I’m not a Mom but I can totally imagine this happening to me.
Mother of 3 says
I always feel like the worst mom when I find myself losing patience with the kids; especially if I know it’s not really their fault but more the stress of everything piling up on me. I try to step back and stop worrying about that darn to do list but it isn’t always easy.
Paula says
Hi Morgan! Great tips for those stressful mommy moments!
I wanted to thank you for sharing with my NO RULES Weekend Blog Party, and to let you know that I have chosen your post as one of my Monday Special Features. If you’d like to take a look here’s the link: http://lifeasweknowitbypaula.blogspot.com/2016/04/monday-special-features-6.html
Have a great week!
Paula
Laurie says
I feel you. 🙂 I can remember times when my nieces and nephews were young and I lived with them or they lived with me that I literally thought…please let me make it till nap time…and then…please let me make it till bedtime. Like you’ve said…taking care of kids is not all sunshine and daisies. Sometimes the kids do do some things that are irritating. I remember the time I returned from a meeting to find the babysitter asleep on the couch and the children naked on their bed eating raw hotdogs and pickles. I think it’s important at these times to remember that it’s irritating…but also a good bit funny…or will be someday when you look back on it. My nieces and nephew are now in their middle twenties with kids of their own…and they are no worse for wear for having eaten hotdogs and pickles on the bed while the babysitter slept. One has to keep things in perspective a bit.
If it won’t matter in ten years…let it go…see the funny….
Long Ladies says
I’m not a mom, but I have been in charge of my 7 younger siblings quite a few times and it is hard not to get annoyed and lose your patience. It really is. But thank goodness for the grace of God!
Thank you for such an encouraging post!
~Haley
Monique Dean says
Yes, as hard as I try to be calm, cool and collected, I get annoyed and I yell…my daughter is 9 and already entering puberty stage along with all these other crazy/sad/anxious/insecure feelings that go with that. I have to constantly remind myself that I went through that once and my parents pretty much let me be. I also love your point on “tomorrow is another day” because sometimes I get so frustrated because I wasn’t as productive or didn’t get as much done as I’d hoped to, but I just have to pick myself up and move on because there’s really nothing I can do about it, just wait until tomorrow. Thanks for being real!
Lydia @ Thrifty Frugal Mom says
Great tips! I used to think that I’d never lose my patience as a mom, but that was before I had 2 kids. 🙂 I find your tip #2 to be a big one for me. As soon as I am overbooking myself and trying to do too much, the stress spills out over to my family and I lose my patience so much more quickly.
One other thing I would add is to apologize to your kids. Tell them Mommy messed up and it was wrong of her to get impatient and that you are sorry. I think this is so key and it makes such a big difference in how your kids feel too. Plus it models good behavior patterns to them (learning to say I’m sorry, what I did was wrong etc.).