Sleep is what all new parents seek. My son was the worst sleeper I’d ever hear of, and while I got used to it, I’m hoping our next will sleep better. With number 2 on the way, I’m taking note of all the sleep mistakes I made, so that I hopefully won’t repeat them!
Sleep mistakes are inevitable for any new mom, especially one with a bad sleeper. It’s no surprise to long-term readers that Ryan was a very bad sleeper. Has been since day one. As a newborn, he had those dreaded 3 months of colic, and he never once slept through the night until he was maybe 18 months and I had weaned him. Even now, at 21 months, he will occasionally wake up at 4 am, ready to party, have a 2-3 hour midnight whining session, or fight and skip naps (that he isn’t ready to drop yet.) While I do believe some of this is predisposed – I think regardless, Ryan would have been a bit of a bad sleeper with his colic – I believe some of my own sleep mistakes I made as a first-time mom with absolutely no child/baby experience added to his problems.
Now that I’m expecting baby number 2, I’m reevaluating where I may have gone wrong and how I can help this new baby sleep with the best of them. With this in mind, today I’m sharing the 4 sleep mistakes I made with Ryan, as well as the 1 thing I definitely did right.
4 Sleep Mistakes I Made With My Son
I underestimated his ability to fall asleep on his own. Some babies need to fuss a bit when they’re first put down before falling asleep. To this first time mom, it meant, “Oh, he’s not ready to go to bed or be put down yet, let me pick him up and nurse/rock him for another 10 minutes.” I would put him down when he was sound asleep, sometimes even waiting 5 or 1o minutes after he had unlatched in his sleep before putting him down. In retrospect, I now realize I wasn’t giving him the chance to learn to fall asleep anywhere but in my arms, so how on Earth could I expect him to do so?
I immediately comfort nursed at any every vague sign of discomfort. This is obviously not a bad thing. Every parent hates seeing their baby uncomfortable. And if you have a (somewhat) immediate fix, why not go for it? But this wasn’t letting Ryan learn what was a ‘true’ problem and what wasn’t. With the next, I’ll probably assess the situation before throwing him on the boob. Is his diaper wet, could he have gas, is he hot/cold? I think this will help the baby learn how to self-soothe easier.
I picked him up too quickly. The second Ryan would make the teeniest noise, I ran in there to nurse him back to sleep. I didn’t give him a chance to self-comfort and fall back asleep on his own, and I wasn’t able to learn what noises were just him moving around and settling himself (as humans, we naturally come out of REM sleep and ‘wake-up’ about every 90 minutes) and which were actually him needing me to come in and comfort him. My eagerness impeded both of our ability to learn.
I didn’t enforce a bedtime. I couldn’t tell you when I finally enforced a bedtime with Ryan, but I do have memories of Alex coming home at 1030/11 and Ryan being in his jumpy. He would go to bed at a reasonable time, wake up to nurse and then not fall asleep easily, so I would wake him up and call it a ‘nap’. Once we started enforcing a bedtime of 7(ish) every night that we’re home, life got easier for everyone.
But you know what? I didn’t do everything wrong. I definitely did at least one thing right:
I trusted my gut.
The most powerful weapon a mother has is her gut. Listening to our gut is the most important thing we can do as parents. I’ve mentioned before that at about 6 months we attempted to wean Ryan a little using CIO. After a night or two, I decided that he wasn’t ready for this. And that’s okay! I went with my gut and went back to the routine we had previously established. We did see a few benefits from attempting this kind of weaning, like his being able to fall asleep on his own after some whining, but I felt he just wasn’t ready. When we tried again after 1 year, it worked so.much.easier, so I think this was the best decision for us. It’s just one example of how using my gut was the smartest thing I’ve done so far as a mother. So while I did in fact make numerous sleep mistakes, trusting my gut was not one of them.
So what sleep mistakes did you make with your children? When have you trusted your gut with your kids? Any tips for keeping a toddler asleep with a baby in a tiny house? (HA!) Let me know in the comments!
Unconventional Things a Mom Fears
Christy@SweetandSavoring says
Trusting your instincts is so important! Or, I suppose I’m about to find out that it is 😉 Due in two weeks with my first and soooo curious as to how everything is going to go! Thanks for sharing your experience with sleep- I can’t even imagine how pregnant moms with kids do it.
Morgan says
You’ll do great, knowing that you already are ready to trust your gut! You can read allllll of the books on earth about bringing a baby home, but no one will be able to tell you exactly what your baby will need other than you.
Britney says
These are definitely mistakes I made in the first few weeks with my son! Thanks for sharing!
Morgan says
It’s so easy to make them!! Thanks for stopping by, Britney!
Liz says
I have a 6 week old and have been following BabyWise loosely. We feed every 2.5-3hrs, but I think the biggest thing stressed by BW is EWS (eat wake sleep), shorter wake times, and down for a nap to self soothe. So he gets up from a nap, I feed him, change him, and at this age, he goes back down within 45 minutes of waking. I typically pump when I put him down or will make breakfast or start another task so that I won’t be tempted to go “help” him fall asleep. He’ll fuss for about 20 minutes most times but he falls asleep 95% of the time. Occasionally (especially if he is overly tired because he had too long of wake time), I will have to hold a paci in his mouth and pat his butt for a few minutes while I leave him in his crib. VERY RARELY will I actually have to pick him up to calm him down… I may just be lucky or we may have gotten a good system down (I notice naps don’t go as well when my husband is in charge or when he’s at his grandparents, which I have a feeling is because his wake times are just too long with them!).
Morgan says
I definitely wish I had implemented something like that with my first! Baby number 2 seems to be a better sleeper, but with a toddler it’s hard to stick to a certain amount of awake time/sleep time.
Crystal Green says
These are some WONDERFUL tips that I wish I had read when Zeva was a baby. It TOOK FOREVER for her to go bed on her own in her own room. I was one very miserable mother!! I am glad that you’re recording these for not only yourself but for us too.
Morgan says
I feel you! My first didn’t fall asleep on his own until at lEAST 15 months and didn’s sleep through the night until 18 months!
Samantha says
I feel like a newborn baby will naturally learn everything it should if we provide the possibility to them. Doesn’t an article like this contradicts the concept of listening to our guts as mothers?
Keep it simple and listen to your gut because each child is different and mother it is very uncomfortable in the beginning especially. No matter how many suggestions and articles written nothing will change that. I appreciate you wanting to help mothers but second guessing after the fact will always happen, but not if you believe in listening to your gut at the moment and responding to it.
Kristy @ Southern In Law says
These tips are so great – especially trusting your gut! At the end of the day, you can read all the sleep books and parenting guidelines you like, but they don’t know YOUR baby – only you do! You’ve got to find what works for you and your baby, not what’s currently trending! xo
Morgan says
Yes! And there really are SO MANY trends when it comes to raising kids and being a mom which makes no sense to me, ha!
Catherine @ foodiecology says
I did all of these – and now I’m still rocking my 18-month old to sleep. 😉 He’s actually a great sleeper once he’s asleep, though. Has been since the first month of his life (apart from typical sleep regressions and illness). My son never took to a pacifier, so we couldn’t rely on that! And I just couldn’t listen to his wailing when trying CIO.
I know he will one day get there. It’s frustrating, yes, but I’m enjoying holding him and having him fall asleep on me while it lasts.
Morgan says
I nursed my toddler to sleep until he was 17 months and I still rock him many nights. Very fun when you’re 8 months pregnant, let me tell you. I was kind of forced to do CIO to wean him from nursing since I was pregnant, and it was rough. Thankfully he now sleeps through the night (he didn’t until 18 months!!). I definitely can relate to wanting to hold and rock them because it won’t be forever – that’s why I’m so okay with still rocking a 30 lb little boy ha!
Chelsea says
This is wonderful!! I know with the next one I will do things differently!! I hope it all works out. I think as a first time mom we are so scared of not doing everything right we overthink ourself. ..
Chelsea @ http://thewilliamsjourney1.blogspot.com
Morgan says
It’s definitely so easy to second guess everything when you’re a first time mom – you just want to do what’s right for your baby!
Ana (@ANAWINSblog) says
Once I got my babies out of my room, or further away from me, I was able to stop picking them up at every slight noise they made. There’s something about them sleeping right next to you that keeps you on high alert as a Mama. I’m totally guilty of comfort nursing and I did it with all 3, lol!!
Morgan says
I definitely agree. Though, my son was so stubborn that once he got used to be constantly coddled, he would SCREAM until he got it!
Lizzy says
I’m expecting baby number 2, in 9 weeks, so been reevaluating our sleep issues too. We were in ministry and always out late at night, now we’re not so hoping this baby goes down and stays down because we have a more reliable schedule. We found the Dunstan Baby Language a huge help in knowing when she was tired or if there were other issues.
Morgan says
Yes, I love using Dunstan! I totally forgot about that, thanks for reminding me! Hoping for better sleep for you this time around!
Bradleigh@WideMeadow says
Oh man I’ve made these exact same mistakes! I’m already laying plans to make changes if baby number two ever happens. Your son is adorable!
Morgan says
It’s so tough! When it’s your first time and you just need a few minutes of sleep, you’ll do anything to get them to bed, even if that means setting yourself up for sleeping failure!
Sandra Garth says
Now that my baby is 33 I can look back at some of the mistakes I made while getting her to sleep and am so thankful we all made it through that rough period. Hats off to you Morgan for having the energy and taking time to share multiple links with us at Celebrate Your Story link party. We appreciate you hanging out with us.
Allyson Greene says
Sigh, with my second I was too laid back and made one of your mistakes, I never set a bedtime with our night owl. She is 5 now and still terrible to get to bed at night on a regular schedule. Having a routine is way more important than I realized! Good luck with kiddo number 2!
Merissa Hatch says
It’s hard sometimes to trust your gut when you know so many people feel it is their place to tell you that you are wrong. Normally, I can ignore this judgment, but I have known parents who have had CPS called on them because they did not pick up there baby right away. Nothing ever came of it, but it was definitely stressful for her at the time. I feel like we should encourage each other to trust our guts as parents more than we do. Thanks for that!
Mummy Pat says
We’ve a month-old second baby now, still early to tell whether any kind of routine is being established yet. But we spent so much money on various bits of baby bedroom equipment trying to work out how to get her older brother to sleep. Trusting my gut was so hard the first time without any previous experience of being a mother; I just didn’t know what to do, how to read his complaints and body language. In the end, we realised at 11 months that he would sleep through if he was in the travel cot rather than his wooden one.
Suzanna @ One Hoolie Mama says
Mom-confession: I took our older son to the doctor earlier this year to make sure nothing was wrong with him because our former-champion-sleeper was waking up as much as 7-8 times per night for about 6 weeks! The doctor, very kindly, told me that I was the problem. I needed to let him fuss for a little while and learn how to put himself back to sleep. It took less than a week for him to get (almost) back to his normal sleep patterns. Thanks for linking up with Small Victories Sunday!