I’ve never been a very confident person. Eternally awkward, I tend to question everything from how I’m wearing my hair to smiling at strangers. I pick apart every social interaction I have, dissecting moments months later and wondering why I’m such weirdo. I was bigger in high school, losing weight after meeting Alex and adopting a healthier lifestyle, but I still always feel a little awkward, uncomfortable in my skin.
It continued into my parenting. I’ve mentioned before that I went from holding two babies ever in my life and never having changed a diaper to becoming a mom over night. I had no idea what I was doing. Except, I totally did, because it came naturally. But for that first year, I struggled to find my foothold as a mom. Yes, I went through the motions of being a mom and learning the ropes, but I had no confidence in what I was doing. I questioned myself, I over read into everything, I Googled too much, I worried too much. I wasn’t confident in my natural instincts.
And then, one day, it all turned around.
You know what I did?
I owned it.
I owned being a mom. I owned being a mom my way.
My kids are healthy. My kids are happy. My family is content. I know what I’m doing, for the most part.
The truth is, you can read all day long, you can research and ask questions and second guess for the rest of your life, but none of it will ever be enough if you don’t have confidence in yourself as a mom.